A Change in The Force

I found out that a friend of mine died March 28, 2010. I think it has been about two weeks that I've known. I found out because I looked her up online and her obituary popped up. Her obituary.

Her name is Iyvie. Her professional bio reads,

"Seiki Attunement, shiatsu, reiki, conscious medium/intuitive spiritual consultant. Trained & cert. by D. Cannon as past life regressionist & Dr. E. Pearl for Reconnective Healing & The Reconnection. Aura/chakra live photo & biofeedback analysis."

Iyvie and I were friends. We were connected. We vibrated together. We also hadn't seen each other for 5 years since she moved to the island of Kailua-Kona. We spoke by phone for the next year or so, but then we lapsed in our tangible communication. I looked her up online to see where she was speaking or what new certificate she earned. For the last year I didn't see much about her though. I was worried. I didn't call. I don't think I was supposed to.

I knew she was sick. She hadn't told me, but I knew. I also knew that she didn't want people making a fuss. She died of cancer. One of the obits reads that she died, "after a brave fight with cancer." That's a pretty common turn of phrase. It is applied to many people but means something different for every one of them.

I don't know if it helped, but every time I thought of her, which was far more than I ever expressed, I sent her my love and my breath, my pulse and my consciousness.

It is because of Ivyie that I began doing energy healing.
It is because of Iyvie that I learned that the fruit of the Holy Spirit grows on trees outside of the orchard of Jesus.
It is because of Iyvie that I began to trust my own power.
It is because of Iyvie that I began to understand the Divine to be not separate from creation, but vibrating within creation.
It is because of Iyvie that I began to see The Spheres of Being and create a theory around The Spheres, vibrations, our interconnectedness with each other and The Holy.

It is because of Iyvie that I understand myself to have a shamanic gift.

I so enjoyed knowing that she was in Kailua-Kona, breathing, loving, and being her amazing self. I am sad that she is no longer vibrating in her body. I know that I grieve for the future, though, not the past. I had a hope that someday I would visit her there. I hoped that I would look into her eyes again, feel her vibrations again, and maybe even once again feel the power of her work. When she worked on me I saw visions and cried. Amazing visions. Tears that came from the core of my soul. Tears that were shed not because of an emotion but because of the intensity of being.

I hoped that I would have the opportunity to share my power with her as it has become shaped and more fully conscious in me. I wanted to give back to her something that I couldn't give to her then. She told me that God was strong in me and that I had to follow my path. She told me that she used the word God because that was how I understood it, but that for her it wasn't God. It was me and love and ... so much beyond words. She taught me to feel my own vibrations. I wanted to share with her my consciousness.

I did share with her my consciousness. I just didn't do it face to face.

I am so very sad, but I am not lost in the sadness. I am living in it. I am holding it, breathing it, and loving it.

And I am dancing with my sadness. Iyvie was a dancer. As her obituary reads,

"Iyvie was an accomplished ballerina. She danced and taught ballet professionally for several years with the Ruth Page Dance Company of Chicago and George Balanchine, and the New York City Ballet. She performed the lead role in the Nutcracker ballet in Chicago for several years."

Dancing with my sadness makes the most sense. The dance is physical, but not just physical. It is energetic, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual. So I am dancing ... and crying ... and laughing ... remembering ... and mostly, I am vibrating and breathing in gratefulness.