Friday, August 27, 2010

Now I know only in part

The days are becoming a little more noticeably shorter. There is an abundance of vegetables and herbs at my local CSA. Squirrels are running around hiding nuts in the ground. There is a coolness to the air at night.

Along with all these things that I am noticing, there is something that I don't notice but that I am told is happening. The colour of the light is different as is its angle. These are details that I miss. I believe those who agree that this is so, but I don't see it or sense it.

What is it about who I am, how my brain works, or how I understand the world that keeps me from seeing/sensing this shift in light? I don't know. I can smell the difference between summer and fall. I can feel the difference in the air. But how the light changes is not within my perception. Apparently it is there to be seen and sensed, but it is not within my grasp.

It makes me wonder what else is right there ... right in front of my eyes ... right in front of my spirit ... that I do not perceive.

We go through our lives seemingly seeing what other people see, hearing what other people hear, and perceiving what other people perceive. While I do believe there is a kind of universality of experience, it seems more and more clear to me that we each have our own unique slant - some things we experience with greater intensity and some with less. Some things have a great impact on us and other things not much at all.

The smell of summer is different to me than the smell of fall. This has a greater impact on me and it is in my conscious mind. The look of the light, though, does not register to me consciously. I'm sure it has an impact on me, but I do not know what it is.

What is it that we perceive differently, you and I? How do we understand God differently or the Bible? What is an act of kindness, a gesture of generosity, or curt remark. How do we really know that we are seeing and sensing everything that is in front of us?

We don't know. There is so much happening that we miss. And there is so much happening that is important to us or that impacts us strongly that others miss. When we are gliding through our day, do we assume that we are seeing everything that others see and that others see what we see? Do we base our reactions to what someone says, how they say it, or the look on their face as if we understand them completely? Do we read the Bible or hear God's voice and believe that we totally get it or that we don't get it at all?

Complete understanding or complete ignorance are either/or equations that I believe keep us from understanding fully the part of whatever it is we do understand. I also believe it keeps us from hearing the understanding and experience that others have. While I would love to see the change of light that I've been told is happening, I also am gaining an appreciation that there is a mystery that I cannot hold that others can. I have to rely on the experience of others to gain a more full understanding of life, love, and God.

The more we are willing to relax at the notion that we don't see it all, hear it all, perceive it all, or understand it all, the more we need to relax at the notion that we need one another to fully live into the beauty and mystery of this life.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13 NRSV
4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9 For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10 but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A Change in The Force

I found out that a friend of mine died March 28, 2010. I think it has been about two weeks that I've known. I found out because I looked her up online and her obituary popped up. Her obituary.

Her name is Iyvie. Her professional bio reads,

"Seiki Attunement, shiatsu, reiki, conscious medium/intuitive spiritual consultant. Trained & cert. by D. Cannon as past life regressionist & Dr. E. Pearl for Reconnective Healing & The Reconnection. Aura/chakra live photo & biofeedback analysis."

Iyvie and I were friends. We were connected. We vibrated together. We also hadn't seen each other for 5 years since she moved to the island of Kailua-Kona. We spoke by phone for the next year or so, but then we lapsed in our tangible communication. I looked her up online to see where she was speaking or what new certificate she earned. For the last year I didn't see much about her though. I was worried. I didn't call. I don't think I was supposed to.

I knew she was sick. She hadn't told me, but I knew. I also knew that she didn't want people making a fuss. She died of cancer. One of the obits reads that she died, "after a brave fight with cancer." That's a pretty common turn of phrase. It is applied to many people but means something different for every one of them.

I don't know if it helped, but every time I thought of her, which was far more than I ever expressed, I sent her my love and my breath, my pulse and my consciousness.

It is because of Ivyie that I began doing energy healing.
It is because of Iyvie that I learned that the fruit of the Holy Spirit grows on trees outside of the orchard of Jesus.
It is because of Iyvie that I began to trust my own power.
It is because of Iyvie that I began to understand the Divine to be not separate from creation, but vibrating within creation.
It is because of Iyvie that I began to see The Spheres of Being and create a theory around The Spheres, vibrations, our interconnectedness with each other and The Holy.

It is because of Iyvie that I understand myself to have a shamanic gift.

I so enjoyed knowing that she was in Kailua-Kona, breathing, loving, and being her amazing self. I am sad that she is no longer vibrating in her body. I know that I grieve for the future, though, not the past. I had a hope that someday I would visit her there. I hoped that I would look into her eyes again, feel her vibrations again, and maybe even once again feel the power of her work. When she worked on me I saw visions and cried. Amazing visions. Tears that came from the core of my soul. Tears that were shed not because of an emotion but because of the intensity of being.

I hoped that I would have the opportunity to share my power with her as it has become shaped and more fully conscious in me. I wanted to give back to her something that I couldn't give to her then. She told me that God was strong in me and that I had to follow my path. She told me that she used the word God because that was how I understood it, but that for her it wasn't God. It was me and love and ... so much beyond words. She taught me to feel my own vibrations. I wanted to share with her my consciousness.

I did share with her my consciousness. I just didn't do it face to face.

I am so very sad, but I am not lost in the sadness. I am living in it. I am holding it, breathing it, and loving it.

And I am dancing with my sadness. Iyvie was a dancer. As her obituary reads,

"Iyvie was an accomplished ballerina. She danced and taught ballet professionally for several years with the Ruth Page Dance Company of Chicago and George Balanchine, and the New York City Ballet. She performed the lead role in the Nutcracker ballet in Chicago for several years."

Dancing with my sadness makes the most sense. The dance is physical, but not just physical. It is energetic, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual. So I am dancing ... and crying ... and laughing ... remembering ... and mostly, I am vibrating and breathing in gratefulness.