Curiouser and Curiouser

Philippians 1:1 - 30 and Alice's Adventures in Wonderland*

The difference between Paul and Alice, is that Alice knows that her world has become strange and is astonished by it, while Paul knows that his world has become strange and believes things to have finally turned right-side-up. He knows it's strange to other people because he says things like this is verse 12:

I want you to know, beloved, that what has happened to me has actually helped to spread the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to everyone else that my imprisonment is for Christ; and most of the brothers and sisters, having been made confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, dare to speak the word with greater boldness and without fear.

Paul knows that to most people that is going to sound odd, but he explains it as if they shouldn't be astonished. He doesn't say, "Isn't it amazing?" or "As odd as it sounds..." He says that he wants them to know that this is a good thing, because they seem confused and concerned.

Paul also talks about being "hard pressed between" the notions of wanting to live or wanting to die. Now, I have had similar moments in my life. Some of these moments have lasted years, but I wasn't so upbeat about it. He sees advantages to both and just can't decide which he prefers. My decision was far more tortured than that. I am going to take a guess that for those of you who have also struggled with that same question, it wasn't about which wonderful thing you preferred. So Paul's thinking through this, for most of us, may seem a little abstract or distancing.

Alice is sure that she wants to have this experience in Wonderland, but she is equally sure that she doesn't want to live there. She loves the adventure and she loves the stories that she will be able to tell, but she knows that she wants to go back to the world where she feels like she belongs.

What Alice and Paul have most in common is their tenacity. They try something, there's a consequence - sometimes pleasant and sometimes not. They try something else and see what happens then. They learn from the consequences and just keep going. When Paul learns, though, it leads him to conclusions. When Alice learns, it most often leads her to want another adventure so she can learn some more. Alice does come to some conclusions during the course of the story, but what I notice is that her astonishment and curiosity never goes away. She notices the changes and the oddness. She seems to almost revel in it. And her desire is for more. She doesn't want things tied up in a neat bow. The story doesn't end with an answer to a question or a resolution to a problem. Wonderland goes on as strange and dysfunctional as it did when she arrived. The conclusion is that she has stories to tell and that she can make connections with people and situations that others can't because of the experiences that she's had.

Both Paul and Alice go through a lot of changes in the way they think about things, in their perception of what's real , and in their environments. Paul's Wonderland is the reality that he invites people into. Alice's Wonderland is a reality she stumbled into.

Paul lives in a strange world that is very curious to me. In verses 15 - 18 he talks about the different motives people have for proclaiming Christ. His attitude is that however it's done, regardless of the motive, he is rejoices that Christ is proclaimed. I'm not so generous most of the time. I think motive is a big deal because I think it frames how we talk about things. For instance, Paul says some folks preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but intending to increase his suffering. People who would do this seem to me to be apt to preach Christ out of other selfish ambitions too. It's hard for me to say, "What does it matter?" with Paul.

I have to be more like Alice when I stumble into Paul's Wonderland. I have to watch more and listen more. Why is it okay with Paul for Christ to be preached out of selfish ambition? That's curious to me. And what of his imprisonment actually encouraging others to speak out rather than making them afraid to? Why is it a privilege, in verse 29, to suffer with Christ? I have to be more like Alice and not judge these ideas based on the way that I have been taught to think, but look at Paul's life and environment.

Thinking like Alice, though, doesn't mean agreeing with everything. She did not adapt everything that she saw in Wonderland to her life back home. She saw fabulous things ... incredible things. She interacted with beings very much unlike herself. She made mistakes and offended some of the beings as she learned to navigate this new place, but she figured out how to be Alice in a new world - a world unlike her own.

Paul starts his letter to the Philippians saying that he is confident that the one who began a good work in this community and in this people would bring it to completion. Paul is confident for this community. That encourages me also. I need someone to be confident on my behalf. I am confident on behalf of this community. I believe that what was begun has been and will continue to be fruitful. In Paul's words, I think we will produce a harvest of righteousness. But there are curious juxtapositions of belief and suffering, of living worthily and striving, and of living in the tension between life and death in this faith journey.

I want us to remain more like Alice - astonished and curious. I want us to take in all the conflicts and contradictions of this journey of faith that we are on, and be the best us that we can be in all the strange situations we end up in. I don't want to us assimilate into someone's idea of Christianity or buy into popular myths about Jesus.

We need to be us, to not resist change but to resist assimilation, and to observe everything that we can and say, "Curiouser and curiouser." Making hard and fast decisions and insisting on reducing life to polarized opposites does not seem like the teachings of Jesus to me. We may flounder and offend sometimes, but I am confident that we can learn to know ourselves, live as ourselves, and walk through this strange dysfunctional world while we participate fully.

*Carroll, Lewis. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. New York: Ariel Books/Alfred A. Knopf, 1983. Pages 20 - 25