Gay Pride is complicated. According to some religious folks and in some places in the Bible we are told that Pride is a sin. On the other hand, we are also taught to take pride in such things as our work or our family. Our English word Pride isn't very specific. Merriam Webster has 6 separate definitions of the word Pride. This is the first definition:
PRIDE
1: the quality or state of being proud: as a: inordinate self-esteem : conceit b: a reasonable or justifiable self-respect c: delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship
Doesn't that sound like 3 definitions? But that's just the first one. Pride is complicated and contradictory.
Ecclesiastes is also complicated and contradictory. I love this chapter because it's so messed up. It's so crude and human. The character of Solomon simultaneously tells us not to be either too righteous or too wicked and then turns around and scorns all women for being unable to meet his standards. He also tells us that death is better than birth and then tells us that death is bitter, but not as bitter as a woman who is a trap. It isn't a woman who lays a trap - the woman herself is the trap. And according to the rest of the chapter all women seem to be this way.
This teacher we've been studying, presumably male, claims to have found one man among a thousand who can meet his standard. Well, Happy Pride everyone. No wonder he finds women to be a trap! This guy's gay and he's blaming it on women rather doing what he has been instructing us for the last few chapters ... to eat, drink, and be merry.
Pride is complex and contradictory. Ecclesiastes is complicated and contradictory. We are complex and contradictory. Each one of us individually and each one of the communities we belong to is complex and contradictory.
As most of you know, I have had a lot of therapy. I'm grateful for that. If you find a really good therapist it's wonderful. I've been lucky to find a few good ones. In one of my sessions with my last therapist a few years back I was troubled because my girlfriend at the time was railing on me for having mixed messages. I didn't know what she was talking about. My therapist listened to my story and finally said, "There's a reason she thinks you have mixed messages, and that's because you have more than one message." I was stunned. I felt guilty and shameful. Quickly my therapist continued. She said, "You have more than one message because you want more than one thing. We all do."
Friends, I learned that anyone who thinks they have one message is lying to themselves. What we need to do is find out what those messages are ... not pretend that we don't have them. When we read any sacred book, especially our own, we need to remember that it too has mixed messages. It doesn't help us to justify them. I think the best thing we can do is look right at them ... look right at the complexities and the contradictions.
My own belief system is riddled with contradictions. I believe that Jesus is our savior – that he is sacred and holy – and I love to worship him. At the same time I believe that Jesus was a human man who was a political and religious revolutionary and that we are all called, like him, to be saviors in our own time. I believe we are all sacred and holy. Does that mean I need to stop giving in to the ecstasy of worshiping Jesus or that I should start worshiping you? It's complicated and there are contradictions.
I have mixed messages. Jesus had mixed messages. The writer of Ecclesiastes had mixed messages. Every one of us has mixed messages. Many of us are queer and proud. At the same time we all make choices when we will come out to people. If we had one message wouldn't we come out to everyone all the time? Life isn't that simple. We have to make choices. Does it negate our pride when we decide not to be forthcoming about our sexual orientation or gender identity? Not necessarily. What's the difference between deceit and prudence? What's the difference between pride that is inordinate self-esteem and pride that is reasonable or justifiable self-respect? At what point is labeling ourselves a badge of honor and acceptance and at what point is it a box that we put ourselves in?
The parade itself has mixed messages. It is both a parade of protest and a parade of privilege. When we march as a church we are protesting the hetero-normative standard of family and faith. This is good to do. I think we also need to be aware that we are staging this parade in a very privileged way. When the fundamentalists are on the side lines with their banners and bull horns we get mad at their audacity and ignorance. Yes, they are audacious and ignorant - I agree with that 100%. However, even if their prejudice and hate is acceptable to many, there are laws that state they are not allowed to hang us or burn us or otherwise cause us physical harm. These laws don't change anyone's heart, but sometimes they protect us. The laws don't protect us all the time. There are enough people with legal authority who will overlook evidence or do any number of things to save their own from punishment, but at least we have something in writing to work with. There are gay pride parades around the world where they are protesting with the hope of getting some of the laws we take for granted. Just for being in the parade these people get put in jail, stoned, or hanged. When we march here, with the freedoms that we have, we are marching on behalf of those who can't. We are demonstrating to the world that there is freedom to be had. We are inciting others who do not have our freedom to go after it for themselves. Sometimes they die trying. Sometimes we do too. When we use our privilege as a chance to protest, isn't that a sort of mixed message? Doesn't it complicate the event? I hope it does. And I hope that we can wrestle with those contradictions and complications.
Peace isn't having a simple message. Freedom isn't about every one being nice to one another and getting to party. Privilege isn't about finally getting to take it easy. All of these ideals are complicated and filled with contradictions. I think the character of Solomon got it right in verses 15 - 18, "In my vain life I have seen everything; there are righteous people who perish in their righteousness, and there are wicked people who prolong their life in their evildoing. Do not be too righteous, and do not act too wise; why should you destroy yourself? Do not be too wicked, and do not be a fool; why should you die before your time? It is good that you should take hold of the one, without letting go of the other; for the one who fears God shall succeed with both."
Many, in their wickedness, have declared us wicked! So friends, in our peace-seeking and freedom-fighting let us take hold of our righteousness alongside our wickedness. In our privilege let us fight against oppression. And above all, let us remember that the one who respects and loves God succeeds, both with wisdom and folly, with righteousness and wickedness. We need to let our love for our Divine Beloved motivate us in our righteousness and our wickedness. As you move through this world, take hold of one without letting go of the other.
PRIDE
1: the quality or state of being proud: as a: inordinate self-esteem : conceit b: a reasonable or justifiable self-respect c: delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship
Doesn't that sound like 3 definitions? But that's just the first one. Pride is complicated and contradictory.
Ecclesiastes is also complicated and contradictory. I love this chapter because it's so messed up. It's so crude and human. The character of Solomon simultaneously tells us not to be either too righteous or too wicked and then turns around and scorns all women for being unable to meet his standards. He also tells us that death is better than birth and then tells us that death is bitter, but not as bitter as a woman who is a trap. It isn't a woman who lays a trap - the woman herself is the trap. And according to the rest of the chapter all women seem to be this way.
This teacher we've been studying, presumably male, claims to have found one man among a thousand who can meet his standard. Well, Happy Pride everyone. No wonder he finds women to be a trap! This guy's gay and he's blaming it on women rather doing what he has been instructing us for the last few chapters ... to eat, drink, and be merry.
Pride is complex and contradictory. Ecclesiastes is complicated and contradictory. We are complex and contradictory. Each one of us individually and each one of the communities we belong to is complex and contradictory.
As most of you know, I have had a lot of therapy. I'm grateful for that. If you find a really good therapist it's wonderful. I've been lucky to find a few good ones. In one of my sessions with my last therapist a few years back I was troubled because my girlfriend at the time was railing on me for having mixed messages. I didn't know what she was talking about. My therapist listened to my story and finally said, "There's a reason she thinks you have mixed messages, and that's because you have more than one message." I was stunned. I felt guilty and shameful. Quickly my therapist continued. She said, "You have more than one message because you want more than one thing. We all do."
Friends, I learned that anyone who thinks they have one message is lying to themselves. What we need to do is find out what those messages are ... not pretend that we don't have them. When we read any sacred book, especially our own, we need to remember that it too has mixed messages. It doesn't help us to justify them. I think the best thing we can do is look right at them ... look right at the complexities and the contradictions.
My own belief system is riddled with contradictions. I believe that Jesus is our savior – that he is sacred and holy – and I love to worship him. At the same time I believe that Jesus was a human man who was a political and religious revolutionary and that we are all called, like him, to be saviors in our own time. I believe we are all sacred and holy. Does that mean I need to stop giving in to the ecstasy of worshiping Jesus or that I should start worshiping you? It's complicated and there are contradictions.
I have mixed messages. Jesus had mixed messages. The writer of Ecclesiastes had mixed messages. Every one of us has mixed messages. Many of us are queer and proud. At the same time we all make choices when we will come out to people. If we had one message wouldn't we come out to everyone all the time? Life isn't that simple. We have to make choices. Does it negate our pride when we decide not to be forthcoming about our sexual orientation or gender identity? Not necessarily. What's the difference between deceit and prudence? What's the difference between pride that is inordinate self-esteem and pride that is reasonable or justifiable self-respect? At what point is labeling ourselves a badge of honor and acceptance and at what point is it a box that we put ourselves in?
The parade itself has mixed messages. It is both a parade of protest and a parade of privilege. When we march as a church we are protesting the hetero-normative standard of family and faith. This is good to do. I think we also need to be aware that we are staging this parade in a very privileged way. When the fundamentalists are on the side lines with their banners and bull horns we get mad at their audacity and ignorance. Yes, they are audacious and ignorant - I agree with that 100%. However, even if their prejudice and hate is acceptable to many, there are laws that state they are not allowed to hang us or burn us or otherwise cause us physical harm. These laws don't change anyone's heart, but sometimes they protect us. The laws don't protect us all the time. There are enough people with legal authority who will overlook evidence or do any number of things to save their own from punishment, but at least we have something in writing to work with. There are gay pride parades around the world where they are protesting with the hope of getting some of the laws we take for granted. Just for being in the parade these people get put in jail, stoned, or hanged. When we march here, with the freedoms that we have, we are marching on behalf of those who can't. We are demonstrating to the world that there is freedom to be had. We are inciting others who do not have our freedom to go after it for themselves. Sometimes they die trying. Sometimes we do too. When we use our privilege as a chance to protest, isn't that a sort of mixed message? Doesn't it complicate the event? I hope it does. And I hope that we can wrestle with those contradictions and complications.
Peace isn't having a simple message. Freedom isn't about every one being nice to one another and getting to party. Privilege isn't about finally getting to take it easy. All of these ideals are complicated and filled with contradictions. I think the character of Solomon got it right in verses 15 - 18, "In my vain life I have seen everything; there are righteous people who perish in their righteousness, and there are wicked people who prolong their life in their evildoing. Do not be too righteous, and do not act too wise; why should you destroy yourself? Do not be too wicked, and do not be a fool; why should you die before your time? It is good that you should take hold of the one, without letting go of the other; for the one who fears God shall succeed with both."
Many, in their wickedness, have declared us wicked! So friends, in our peace-seeking and freedom-fighting let us take hold of our righteousness alongside our wickedness. In our privilege let us fight against oppression. And above all, let us remember that the one who respects and loves God succeeds, both with wisdom and folly, with righteousness and wickedness. We need to let our love for our Divine Beloved motivate us in our righteousness and our wickedness. As you move through this world, take hold of one without letting go of the other.
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