Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones But Words Can Break My Spirit

Texts: Psalms 147:1-9, Proverbs 18:14-21, and Mark 5:21 - 42

Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. These are the words heard on playgrounds usually in response to some insult thrown from one child to another. Parents teach children these words as a way to deflect hurtful insults and malicious language. As adults we know that being picked on is no fun so we offer this retort to our children in an attempt to give them a shield.

Sometimes what happens though is that this line of thinking goes to the extreme and is carried into adulthood. We assume that if we are hurt by something someone says that we are weak. We also may believe that if someone is hurt by something that we say that they are overly sensitive. The terms "thick-skinned" and "toughen up" come to mind. But how thick is it safe for our emotional and spiritual skin to be? How tough do we really want our soul?

Think about your hands and feet. How much feeling do you get when your heels or fingers are calloused? Not much. When I was a line cook in a restaurant it was a good thing that my hands and fingers toughened up so that I could tolerate hot plates, grills, and pan handles. It was also good that my feet became calloused so that I could stand all day long. The benefit ended there. Once at home I missed being able to feel the soft carpet on my feet and I had a difficult time picking up small things like a sewing needle because I could not feel it between my fingertips. Also the soft baby-skin of my niece was lost to my touch. This is not how I want my soul to become – tough and unable to feel the gentleness of God's leading. It is not how I want to be emotionally, calloused to another's feelings because I cannot get in touch with my own.

I'm not saying that I want us to crumble at constructive criticism, at challenges to the way we think, or even to the slightest insults. What I am saying is that sometimes people are mean and they throw words around as if they are stones and sticks. Sometimes people want to harm others with their words and then when the other person is harmed they scorn the injury and continue their abuse by declaring the injured person as being weak.

Other times a well-meaning friend, colleague, or acquaintance will try to help the injured person by using the adult version of the playground saying about sticks and stone. They say, "A person can only hurt you if you let them." I don't know about you, but I don't find these words comforting or empowering. These words indicate that if you are hurt then it is your fault – you are to blame. This takes the responsibility off of the person who said the hurtful things and puts the blame squarely on the victim.

My guess is that we have all been on all sides of this situation. We have been the person who said something that was hurtful and then blamed the person we hurt for not taking what we said "with a grain of salt." We have been the well-meaning person who counseled the injured person that they shouldn't take things so personally and that others can only hurt them if they let them. And we have been the person who was hurt and told to toughen up.

Lately I have been in groups of people where there has been heartfelt sharing. Invariably one person tells another "A person can only hurt you if you let them." I see the injured person sustain a further injury of shame that they would let this happen to them. They retreat inside of themselves and either put on bravado or they stop sharing. This makes me angry because, even if I don't understand what hurt the person, they felt safe enough to be vulnerable. How often do we get to feel safe enough to vulnerably share our feelings? Sometimes I get a chance to respond to the situation and say that no, actually others can hurt our emotions and spirits with their words and actions without our consent just like they can hurt our bodies without our consent.

This is true for us as well. In our Proverbs scripture we heard that "The human spirit will endure sickness; but a broken spirit—who can bear?" and "From the fruit of the mouth one's stomach is satisfied; the yield of the lips brings satisfaction. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."

Words are important. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. When you are hurt because of someone's words, it is a valid pain. Yes, stick and stones can break your bones. While it's no fun to heal from a physical injury or from sickness, the proverb tells us that the human spirit can endure this type of pain. But ... a broken spirit? Who can bear that? I will tell you who can bear it. God's Holy Spirit can bear it. When we deny the power of words and shove down the pain we feel because of them, then we do not present ourselves for healing. This pain that resides within us can break our spirit.

Friends, let us not go through that. Let us instead acknowledge our pains and present them to our God for healing. I know this is not as simple as it sounds, but I also know that not doing this, in the long run, is far more difficult and has far dire consequences.

When we are sick or injured in our bodies, if we are at all able, we go to the doctor for help or to the store to get some medicine. Likewise when our souls are injured we need to present ourselves for healing. Our psalm today says that God "heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." The wounds of the brokenhearted are attended to by God's self. It isn't an instant healing, to be sure. It depends on the magnitude of injury, just as it depends in our body. It takes longer to heal a broken back than it does a scratch to our skin. It also takes longer to heal something that we have been ignoring than it does something that we take care of right away. The point here isn’t simply to cry about being hurt. The point is to cry out for healing.

In the Gospel of Mark, chapter 5, we are told a couple of familiar stories of people crying out to Jesus for healing. In this collection of stories, one sandwiched between another, we see the father of the dying 12 year old girl cry out with his voice to Jesus and the woman with the hemorrhage cry out to Jesus with her actions. In both of these stories those crying out became vulnerable. The father was vulnerable because he was the leader of the synagogue and most of those folks were eyeing Jesus with suspicion. His need to have his daughter healed outweighed any suspicion he had and he reached out. The woman who touched Jesus’ garment took a huge risk. Because of her condition she was considered unclean and was not allowed to come into physical contact with anyone for fear of defiling them with her uncleanness. She fought through the crowds, touching many as she went, and finally reached Jesus and grabbed his clothes. Jesus felt power leave him and he wanted to know who had been healed.

We need to risk being vulnerable, bring our souls to Jesus and cry out for help. In the Gospel of John, Jesus says, "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me, and let the one who believes in me drink. As the scripture has said, 'Out of the believer's heart shall flow rivers of living water.'"

Let us take of the Living Water of Christ that is offered to us. Let us drink deeply, refreshing our souls and healing our spirits. Remember the words of the psalmist, "God heals the brokenhearted, and binds our wounds."

"Deepening the Welcome" Saturday, February 19 in Chicagoland

I was sent this email via the CCWC elist. If I was in Chicago I would certainly consider going!

http://www.mcselca.org/what/ministry/justice/welcome.php

"Deepening the Welcome" workshop to be held in Chicago, Saturday, February 19

The Chicago Chapter of Lutherans Concerned and the Metropolitan Chicago Synod Justice Team are offering a day of workshops called:

“Deepening the Welcome: Living out Jesus’ Welcome for GLBTQ People in Our Congregations.”

The event will explore the theme: All are welcome: What does this mean in your congregation? What does it mean to be explicitly welcoming to GLBTQ members already in congregations and those looking for a place to worship?

People at every stage of the conversation about GLBTQ inclusion, including those who have never addressed such topics in their congregations, are invited.

The folks in Chicago have put together a whiz-bang line-up of speakers and workshop leaders. (See the workshop descriptions below.)

Please go here for more info and to register. Cost is $10 per person (includes a lovely lunch) or $30 for a group of 4 or more from the same congregation/organization that register together. Pre-registration helps the planners be sure there is lunch for everyone! If cost is an issue or you have other questions, contact the Rev. Carla Thompson Powell.

Also, please see the Facebook page.

Workshop Descriptions

Rev. Dr. Richard Perry. KEYNOTE: Dimensions of a Whosoever Church John 3:16-17. Opening keynote address by Dr. Perry, LSTC Professor of Church and Society and Urban Ministry. When Jesus says, “whosoever believes in me”, what does he really mean?

Bishop Wayne Miller: Coming out in Mission as a Welcoming Congregation. The bishop of the Metro Chicago Synod hosts a conversation about how a congregation can step out in mission as a welcoming church and what missional opportunities might be now open to us.

Emily Eastwood: Beginning the Conversation in Congregations. The Executive Director of Lutherans Concerned/North America leads an engaging workshop on how to begin, renew and sustain the conversation about welcome and full participation. Bring your questions.

Dr. Klaus Peter Adam: A Biblical Basis for Welcome: Neither Man nor Woman in Christ. Information, motivation, and application from Galatians 3:28. Dr. Adam engages the biblical text, and gives some practical strategies.

Pocha Carter, Group Health Educator (HIV Prevention Program) at PCC Community Wellness Center in Oak Park : Supporting our Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Youth. In this anti-bullying workshop, you will get tools to be an ally to these young people and provide support, curb harassment in your environment, and how we can best support their needs.

Pastor Keith Fry and others: Welcoming All Leaders. This panel discussion with Pastor Keith Fry (Christ the Lord, Elgin ) and others shares discoveries, hopes and hesitations in calling a partnered pastor or welcoming a seminarian to a field education site.

Caroline Staerk, field director at Equality Illinois: Marriage Equality. Come explore how pro-LGBTQ communities of faith and LGBTQ political advocates at Equality Illinois have been laying the groundwork for social and policy change (including passage of the civil union bill).

Pastor Melody Beckman Eastman: Reducing Conflict and Guiding Discernment: A Suburban Congregation's Journey to the Blessing of Unions. Pastor Eastman talks about the process and influences that brought St. Paul , Wheaton to hold same-gender blessing ceremonies in their church.

Noel Spain & Stephanie Dykes: Beyond Gay & Lesbian - Welcoming Bisexual and Transgender as Equal Identities within the GLBT Community. This workshop will focus on getting to know the Bisexual and Transgender community. This workshop will introduce you to members of the B&T communities, help inform you about what specific issues they face, and finally show you how to create a more welcoming space both in the church and society.

Pastor Carla Thompson Powell: Talking With Our Kids About Homosexuality. This very practical workshop will help parents and youth leaders learn and share how they address LGBTQ concerns with their youth.